Coña ka iha

Dedicated to my ex


Ella



I was seating at Bucks Taft with my bestfriend Tintin the other day. Two guys – yuppies, sure ako - who are like umuupo besides our table p'rang sorta overheard our chit-chat. They straighten their tie thingies, and make silip at their long sleeves’s gusot. Sheht, a few minutes later, they like silently make layas na. Is like my breath mabaho? Did we just sigaw to them “mabuhay! long live ang mga talibans!”


Tapos, like you know, yesterday at Starb Katipunan, I sorta eavesdrop at this fattie girl at the other table. “Pasosi girls should take a shot of lethal injection.” Hallere!? Whut-ever. Tsk, tsk. Stupid, no? Her bibig just like keeps on making asar of us. PUÑETA! I almost, but not quite, tawa when her mocha frap got like tapon by the barista. I can’t take it anymore, so I p’rang make tawag to sis Tin.



Ohmygod, my favorite bench sa labas of Gonzaga caf is vacant! P’rang Tintin is guarding my space. I make sumbong to her about the Starbs incident.



“Actually,” Tin said “this fattie is just ingget.”



“She is so bastos,” I said “she has no pag-asa on being one of us.”



“Parang this annoying fattie tira us to make lipat her ingget,” she said.



“Kainis”



“Grabe na itu”



“Kaasar”



“Hypocrite beyatch”



“Poser”



“As in so kaka ha”



“Promise”



Anyways, enough na, that’s so yesterday pa kaya. I’m gonna be late for my school org meet na. Oh, manong kardo the driver, is here. “Wait ka lang here, ha,” I said “oh teka, wait ka na lang kaya sa car.” Off he goes. I’m saving my academe to my flash drive thingie pa kasi. Bagal, so tagal ng wi-fi here sa Seattle’s kasi, as in anong petsa na.



Sheht, the fone is ringin’. Body shop, Max factor, Dior – there saw it. Oh, it’s a miss call pala. 1 message received. The meeting is ongoing na. Whut. Ohmygod, they started without me, how could they? Sheht, I’m like you know really late – so hard to find a place to park a car pa naman.



I better call na si Marianne. “Marriane,” I said on the phone “where ba you? You’re so tagal ha, go here na.” Sana she had bili-bili the right pair of Birks naman this time. P’rang you know, yaya always bili the wrong kinds kasi.



Migs, p’rang you forgot to tawag ha. Hmmmp.



Enough na. Bye na me, people. I’m like closing my ibook na. Now na.




Marie



Susmaryosep. Inyamitin, ano nga bang pinabibili ni ma’m? Brickstone? Nakakaasiwa ang pangalan ng tsinelas na iyon. Kung gusto niya ng matigas, ba’t di na lang Islander o Spartan? Mura na, matibay pa. At isa pa, maraming nagbebenta ng Spartan no. Tawagan ko kaya? Naku, hwag na, baka magtatalak na naman si sungit.



Uy, bakit maraming nagtutulakan doon?



Si Rochelle!



“Rochelle, rochelle!”



“Rochelle, rochelle dito”



Sana marinig niya ako. Sangkatutak ang sumisigaw na kurimaw. “Rochelle, nambrr wan pan mo ko.” Aba, naku lumalapit siya dito. At wala akong dalang bolpen!



“Mwhahaha. Rochelle, rochelle, dito, rochelle, dito.”



“Sa’n mo gusto pirmahan.” sabi niya.



“Sa sleeves nalang.” Ang saya saya.



Spageting pababa ng pababa… may pirma ako ni Rochelle… get get awww! Taray ng lola niyo no?



Aba naman, wrong timing nagriring selpon ko. Si sungit. Ay apu, wala akong maintindihan. Inyamitin. Birkinstak… iyon nga! Oh, anong say niyo? Nadale ng lola mo… birkinstak… for life! Maaga sana umuwi si sungit madamdama, para abutan ko pa Lovers in Paris.



“Ohmygod! Wher’d you buy this stuff ba?” sabi ni sungit.



“ha?”



“Marianne, sabi ko san’ mo bili-bili this stuff”



“Ma’m hindi po icetop iyan, di sabi niyo kanina birkinstak, kaya birikinstak binili ko.”



“Arrrgh…Madremia. Padre Pio. Marie isa pa ha, one more time na lang talaga. San mo bili-bili itu?”



“Sa may uka-ukay po, sabi ninyo kasi sikon istol? Ibig sabihin po noon di ba sikund installment, sikon hand?”



“I said second stall to your left... nevermind na nga. You’re hopeless talaga Marianne, as in. Manong make bukas na nga the car.”



Sungit no? Di man lang napansin pirma sa sleeves ko… get get awww!



7 comments:

  1. Michael (12 December, 2005 18:20)

    I've written this parody last February.

    I've entitled it Rushhour, as a metaphor for the then break-up with my younger (10 years age gap) kolehiyala girlfriend.

    missyosigirl (12 December, 2005 18:49)

    that was you?!?!? i chanced upon that blog a while back, but thought nothing of it, kala ko pinagsamang chona.blogspot.com and caffeinerush :smile:

    Michael (13 December, 2005 12:12)

    Yeah, that would be our little secret 'kay?

    :christmas::secret:

    barenaked (14 December, 2005 06:33)

    i agree with missyosi girl, parang ganun nga ang pagkakasulat. nweiz, naaliw ako sa pagbabasa. ang sarap pagtripan ng mga coniotics, hehe! :tongue:

    Michael John (14 December, 2005 13:02)

    Hi barenaked,

    naku kung alam mo lang... patikim pa lang 'yan. mas matindi iyon sa personal.:queen:

    Balak ko nga noon, magsulat ng serye tungkol sa kanya, pero nagdalawang isip ako, maganda rin naman kasi ang maikli naming pagsasama.

    :christmas:

    Angela (17 December, 2005 18:01)

    Hindi ako makakatagal kung may kaibigan akong babaeng ganyan, haha! :thumbdown:

    karenkristie (28 December, 2005 15:18)

    Kuhang-kuha. Marami talagang ganyan. Astig ka. Ganda ng blog! :smile:

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