{photo from the movie Before Sunset}
After writing my back to the roots post last week, I've received a couple of emails asking me to extend the topic of the previous post. The emails (which I assume came from young males), wanted more to know how to tackle shyness and the dynamics of meeting women. In other words they wanted me to echo the thousands upon thousands of dating self-help articles and books that was written.
If you've read my irreverent archives, you would no doubt know by now that I dislike pseudo-psychological self-help books, especially those which pertains to dating. They are written under the guise of religious antics, wrapped and coached in religious languages that eliminate the factors of luck and negative experiences. In this fantasy world, everyone lives happily ever after, with life stopping after the wedding.
The scientific self-helps are more helpful, but most (but not all) are written in a dreadful machine-like prose - tomes intended for scientists and psychiatrists.
Nevertheless, since these readers exerted an effort to write me an email, I've decided to at least write a series of posts back. Part 1 deals with approaching women. Here, the women from youtube speaks (I've taken the liberty of transcribing them in written words) as they offer some advice on how to approach:
The Torpe Factor: or Why Men should Approach by Ysabella
Ysabella (Transcript): The question is why do women date jerks only it seems and not the nice guys?
Women are kinda walking around oblivious to romance. We're not always looking, "hey look at that guy, look at this guy, I hope he's looking at me." These kinda of stuff, like guys tend to do more than ladies do. Basically, this means that if you wanted us to know that you're interested in us romantically, you really have to let us know because we won't figure it out.
You have to, you know, like the cavemen days, hit us over the head, and... "I like you!" So, if we had a guy who is really nice to us and really sweet, we think, hey what a nice a guy and it ends there. We don't realize that you have any other intentions than being nice.
The Jerky guys have sort of maybe accidentally figured this out. They're very assertive and sometimes very aggressive in letting us know their intentions of romance be known, obviously. And us ladies are very flattered, and we are like, "okay, well, let's see what's going on."
It's only later that we realize that this guy is just not passionate, he's a jerk. And by then it's very sad, and have to 86 him. So this is why, we don't know that they're jerks in the beginning. We realize this later, and we wonder what have changed, when the truth is nothing have changed, we just didn't realized how awful they are in the beginning, and that we are sort of bamboozled.
So, for the nice guys I would suggest don't just be nice, and be a good best buddy, and then be bitter, and cynical, and frustrated, and feel rejected, when no offer has really been obviously made to the lady.
If you're the kind of nice person that has made an obvious offer that "I like you" and "I want to date you," and they still rejects you, you know that's the way the cookie crumble and that's too bad.
But if you don't let them know, sometimes we just won't even know (so you need to let us know). And as far as being friends that you're in love with, and sort of bidding your time until maybe she'll figure out. Don't don't don't don't do that. You'll break your own heart. She will not know that she's breaking your heart and eventually you'll explode like a volcano, and that is not good for anyone.
So make it clear, you know. And if they turn you down, you know I've been there awhile, it stinks, but that's okay. In fact I have got one letter saying, a few letters saying "all the ladies I know, they want men with fancy cars and a lots of money... and good looks, and they won't go out with me." And I'm thinking this is good news, you don't want to date women that are mainly interested in those kind of things anyway.
Approaching Beautiful Women by Tonialo
Tonialo (Transcript): Be calm, be relax, you don't have to be nervous, pay for the meals (you don't have all the time, but the first date you should). To even get a date, approach a female that you think want to be approach, like myself (well you don't have to worry about that but...).
Most guys are intimidated in approaching me. But they would not even think that I'm single. Just because they automatically think that I have a boyfriend. So I know that you might see that girl that walks down the street and she's like "Oh man she got it all together." She have it all together but... she doesn't have a boyfriend.
So my advice is to hold your head up high. Be confident. A no is just a no. A yes, that's a yes! So, hold your head up and say "hey I just want to take you out on a lunch sometime."
How to Pickup Chinese Women by Yue Xu
Yue Xu (Transcript): Everyday when I'm walking down the streets of New York, I get at least two or three men who try to speak to me in "Asian." By Asian I mean it's usually by the following phrases: "Annyong ha shimnikka," which is Korean; "Konnichi wa," which is Japanese; or my all-time favorite which I get occasionally, "Christie Yamaguchi."
If you didn't know by now, Christie Yamagutchi happens to be a name of a person, figure skater in fact, she just happens to be Japanese. But "Christie Yamagutchi" is not a phrase you use to greet someone, it's a persons name. So, since this men make all these effort to learn all the other languages, I thought I would do a tutorial on how to hit on a Chinese girl.
So I'm gonna teach you three phrases that are sure-fire ways to hit on a Chinese girl, and succeed at it. Phrase #1: "Hello." Yeah, it's English. We understand English too. Phrase #2 (this will really get her attention): "Ni Hen Piaoliang," it means "You're very pretty." Let's try again: "Ni Hen Piaoliang." And the third and final phrase that really wield them in (trust me): "Wo shi yi-ge da shagua, hahaha." Make sure you do the laugh at the end. Try again: "Wo shi yi-ge da shagua, hahaha." And that phrase means "I'm a big dumbass." It works everytime. She'll either think you're incredibly funny, or feel incredibly sorry for you.
Conclusion by me
So there you are: not all women likes bad boys, not all beautiful women are taken, and canned pick-up lines is passe. So, don't be nervous in the approach, she, just like you, is an imperfect human - more so than men in general, some women has a hard time finding someone to spend a day with.
If you're young, you have lifetime to learn how to approach women. With time, approaching and mingling with women will be like reading a sentence from left to right, or drinking water from a glass - the hows, the dos and don'ts will be invisible because you've internalized meeting women through the passage of time - with maturity you'll shed the superficial and focus on what's really important: her.
Respect women even if she rejects you - women are not objects of conquests, or ego notches in bed posts - the history of our ancestors and the history of our country runs in every Filipina (substitute other countries, if you're not a Pinoy.)
Word of caution: don't ever get the phone number of a woman if her body language says no. Find out first if you have a semblance of rapport during the conversation before asking for her name, or exchanging the digits. This will save you a lot of headaches in the future, because without chemistry, lull and awkwardness will ensue in the succeeding dates.
So that's it for now, watch out for the next parts for more videos (more female advices). In the meantime, I'll leave you with a scene (video) from one of my favorite movie Before Sunrise (note that in the movie, before this scene, there is a lot of talk between them. In other words, he invited her only AFTER they established that they have some sort of connection):
magandang post.
I've always wondered why girls seem to choose jerks over nice ones... hearing why from others has somewhat confirmed my guess.
nice video din.
"Respect women even if she rejects you - women are not objects of conquests, or ego notches in bed posts"
I totally agree with you. We are NOT trophies to be won. Gah. Galit ito noh haha.
Great post. Thanks for the mention :)
Mike,
I’m doing a writing project regarding the recent murder of Musa Dimasidsing, the district supervisor who was shot dead, he was the election official who exposed the election fraud and other anomalies in Maguindanao.
I hope you can join the the writing project and write a blog post on your reaction, I will link to your post, and I will collect the links everyday and post them up on a single blog post. This starts Wednesday up until Sunday.
You can read about the writing project on my recent post and also find out how you can join. I hope everyone can join, and let’s make our voices heard, let’s stand up for the heroism of Musa and hope that his death does not go in vain.
The post doesn't have to be long, it just has to be thoughtful..
NINONG... women who choose jerks over nice men are women with issues, who feel like sh!t themselves and so are attracted by people who will validate what they believe (same is true for men who go for b!tches that are not of the good kind...)
anyway, i really don't have any dating advice since i never really dated... but RESPECT for each other, no matter how little you know of each other, always helps bridge distances and create intimacies...
i mean, even one-night stands can be gratifying for women if they felt respected and treated as an equal... and not just some hole to drip juice on...
Nice to have perhaps inspired you in some way once again with this post=P
Before Sunrise and Before Sunset are two of my all time favorite movies as well...and I've always been looking for the Jessie to my Celine=)
Anyway, as usual, my post is non-sense and yours in very informative=)
Great post. Had fun of it. ;)
cool....
lam mo ba ako nga walang lakas ng loob to approach women just to ask for their names or number or para makipagkaibigan..
di tulad ng mga tropa ko..
he he...
pero nagustuhan ko yung mindovervagina ha...
mindoverpenis!!!
ROCK ON!!
exchange links>?
Galing talaga ...
I am actually in a very hostile land. I make a living - and getting paid very handsomely if I may say so - hunting enemies of the state of my citizenship. It is a passion which makes my situation more complicated than being married.
When women ask me if I am married, obviously I am not wearing a ring, I do tell them the truth that my situation is worse than being married. I tell them that I do things that does not guarantee my continued existence. Ironically, that has worked like a magic pick-up line. You appear mysterious and they pry for more, until the conversation goes on and on.
Of course, only an idiot would talk about themsleves, so it works when you twist it around and have them talk about themselves instead. Women like men who are interested to hear about what they have to say.
Humans are very complicated subjects, yet if you pay enough attention and did your homework, as Neirenberg would put it, indeed you can read them like a book - women especially. To be fair, men are just as easy, but I am not into guys, so I will keep it narrow enough and talk about women.
That fact is, I am a very highly trained operator, and I am a professional in figuring out what people are thinking. STILL, when I see a girl of my dream, I am just as dumbfounded as any geek would be - that is a fact as well.
In all my travels, I have had lots of girlfriends, of all races. I still prefer Asians, Pinays especially if I had a choice. I have never been to any place in this small planet of ours where I did not encounter a Kababayan.
Pinays are just so lovely, so charming, and frequently described as "demure", but that one does not do them justice. Pinays can ride you dry - if you know what I mean.
Hard to believe as it may sound, I never approach Pinays with sex in mind. I just really do love talking to them. I find their stories inspiring, much like your "Prosti Exhibits". In every Pinay I talk to , I find amazing stories of daring, courage, and inspiration' it literally makes dodging IEDs through BIAP seem like child's play.
I saw this one very pretty girl at a Marriot in London. She immediately caught my eye. Such grace and elegance. I know she is Pinay because I can hear them talk. I did not want to intrude so I just watched her. She is the woman of my dreams.
I had to take a Qatar Airways flight the next day so I can proceed to a designated point in that city where I am to disappear and link up with my colleagues. This girl happens to be part of the crew of that flight.
I watched her throughout the entire flight and I am sure she noticed my penetrating stares. She made the 7 odd hour flight feel like a neighborhood park walk. Did I mention that I can get dumbfounded?
When we arrived at Qatar and started to file for disembarkation, I finally stopped in front of her and told her just how pretty she is. She thank me with twinkling eyes. I noticed a ring, and with my elementary knowledge of social meanings, I though it was a wedding ring, and so, naturally, I told her that her husband is a very lucky man.
She said something like, she does not have a husband yet and is available. My heart skipped a few beats, and sabi nga nila, nawala yung pandinig ko. I am not faint of heart, and I can assure you, I can have courage come out of the woodwork, but this girl's charm melted me down like butter on a hot summer Iraqi day.
I stood there not knowing what to say or do, so I just smiled back and moved along the file to get off the aircraft. I did not sleep that night thinking of her.
The following night, I went on a combat mission in Afghanistan and the aircraft almost got shot down. The whole time the bullets where flying all over, I was nonchalant and performed my duties flawlessly as always. In fact, the whole time, I was still thinking of her.
I will be out of here in a few months, to come back some other day, I am sure. The odds are almsot impossible, but if I see this girl again as I am going to take Qatar Airways againa nd stay in that same Marriot at the Middlesex district of London, if I see this girl again, I would just take that and destiny, If I cna muster enough courage, I will walk right up to her and ask her to marry me.
No, not really, it sounds so good though as I think of it right now. I will have no qualms spending the rest of my life with a girl as pretty as her. Then again, my situation is complicated...
Hahahahaha! :)
I agree! Saying "wo shi yi ge da sha gua" would really work! :) That's super cute. :)
and you had to use before sunset, too. argh.
now perhaps a good follow-up would be why women keep meantime guys around... heh heh
I think this follow-up post on why girls like bad boys explains it all!!!!
http://www.1938media.com/bad-boys-get-hot-girls/